WILDLIFE EXPEDITION #1: SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, imagine my boat floating down the Amazon river. If you're like anyone I know, you picture a huge boat brushing through branches as monkeys hop from tree to tree and parrots can be heard in the distance.  What the Amazon actually is is FUCKING HUGE. It is the largest river of all time. OF ALL TIME. And that's true.  You can't even see both sides at once. It's like a massive beyond massive lake, but it's a river. And it's wide and long. And that's what I said. Anyway, the boat is stopped right now for customs so we're just kind of kicking it in the middle of this huge ass river.

Now imagine a normal person.  They are sailing around the world and while floating down this massive amazon river they see the nose of a crocodile skim the top of the water. Then another.  "Look at that," they say to the person next to them.  "A crocodile. How about that."  They then go inside, return to their daily lives, and maybe mention their sighting to the next person they see.

Now imagine me.  Do I even need to tell you how this went down? I'm sitting in the hallway and overhear someone say to another "Yeah, he said he saw a crocodile."  I instantly jump up, slam shut my computer and race to my room.  "ASHLEY!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING ON A WILDLIFE EXPEDITION!" I spend the next ten minutes frantically getting dressed, applying sunscreen, and gathering my wildlife expedition materials: camera, notebook, binoculars, diet coke, water bottle.  I race up to the deck and stare straight ahead. "I heard there are crocodiles. I heard they're here." A minute later my friend Sam comes out and goes "Yeah, I saw them," casually as if it's not FREAKING CRAZY THAT WE ARE SAILING AMONGST CROCODILES. I continuously scan the water with my binoculars babbling excitedly to anyone who passes when she goes "Oh look, there's one."  "WHERE?" "Right, there, that's it's nose." And then I see it. A tiny black nose pop out of the water. Then another, then a nose and some eyes. "AAAAAAHHHHH GIGIGIGI AAHAHAHAHAH CORCOCO CROCODILES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I think I startled everyone with a 100 foot radius.  I spent the next half hour staking out the area commandeering anyone who walked by and telling them all about the crocodiles and trying to make them look through my binoculars. No one really cared that much.  But my life is a success!  A picture of me on my successful first wildlife expedition to come!